Letting Go

Thank you to Two Writing Teachers for hosting Slice of Life Tuesday.  I am grateful for this community who welcomes all.

This quote came to my email the other day.   I immediately knew I had to save it, because right now, it's the story of my life.

None of us can predict what our lives will be like from one day to the next.  I never dreamed that at this point in my life I would be parenting an 8 year old and a 12 year old.  I did not anticipate that we would no longer be able to leave for the weekend on a whim or enjoy quiet, leisurely evenings on the patio, just the two of us.

My life is not what I thought it would be.

My emotions flip-flop inside me as I fight against fear, frustration, and helplessness.  But even as these feelings bump up against each other, hope and joy push their way through.  I remember that because we have these 2 young girls, we are lucky enough to experience many things a second time around...


Baking with 2 helpers and scream/laugh when Miss Destiny turned the mixer on too high and flour erupted out of the bowl...

Watching this little lady check out books that she's chosen herself and then curling up in my lap to read while we waited for big sister to finish getting her books... 

Beginning our search for the best ice cream of 2017 with Annie and Lucas...

Heading to the zoo for an impromptu visit and seeing everything from their point of view...

Ending the evening with two young ones snuggled next to me knowing that another day has gone by and they've healed just a little bit more.

We don't know what the next day will bring and this life sure isn't what I expected it to be, but when I let go of what "should have been" and focus on all the goodness we are blessed to have, I have hope that this new way of life is going to work out for all of us. 

Unknown Territory

Today I am joining Two Writing Teachers for Slice of Life Tuesday.  I am so grateful for this community where others gather to share their stories.

Every child deserves a champion – an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best they can possibly be.” – Rita F. Pierson

I believe this quote with all my heart.  

I truly want to be the adult that doesn't give up, but sometimes I wonder if I can keep doing this.  

Raising children from hard backgrounds is not easy.  It's gut wrenching at times and more often than not, we have no idea if what we are doing is the right thing to do.  

Just when we think we've covered all the bases, something new crops up.  We are exhausted!  

Today was one of those days.

However...

If we are exhausted, how must they feel?

Plucked out of their home and settled into ours.  

New rules,  new norms, wondering if it's safe to feel safe.  

They are walking on shaky ground.  I can only imagine that they must contemplate if  the adults in their lives will hold on and stay put.  They must question where their future lies.  What happens if they let their guard down too far?

It must be terrifying.  

And so tonight, as the rest of the house sleeps, I take a deep, calming breath.  I say a prayer for strength, wisdom and guidance.  I ground myself because this journey is big, way bigger than we ever imagined.  

My husband and I will hold each other up.  We will open our arms and draw in two little girls who need love and stability so badly.  We will look only at getting through one day at a time.

We will stay focused and remember our purpose.  Together, we will all be the best we can possibly be.  

Sweet Tea...My Secret Love Affair SOL #24

I am joining the Two Writing Teachers in the March Slice of Life Challenge (most days!).

I am an iced tea drinker.  There is always a pitcher in our refrigerator, no matter what time of year it is.  It's not unusual to see me with a McDonald's styrofoam cup in hand (or on my desk in my office) filled with unsweet tea.  Yes, unsweet tea.  I don't drink my calories.

That is until I come to the south.  I began the trip keeping true to my unsweet tea.  Everywhere we went, I ordered my tea the usual way...unsweet.  Then after a few days crossing the Georgia line, I relented...half unsweet, half sweet.  Oh, it was so good.  I kept to the half and half for two days and then this morning, I caved.

"I'll have the sweet tea," I told the waitress as she took my order today.  And the rest is history.  Every. single. meal.  Sweet Tea please.

I'll be heading home on Sunday. I'll hop back on the wagon then.  For now, I'll follow my heart and order that sweet tea.

Present Over Perfect SOL #22

I am joining The Two Writing Teachers for the March Slice of Life Challenge.

I'm in the middle of reading Present Over Perfect:  Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist.  I'm not sure where I got the recommendation, but I'm glad I got it.  It's just what I need right now in my life.

After vacationing vicariously yesterday and taking a cue from my Present Over Perfect, I decided to close the books for today (ok...I did a little reading in the car) and join Keith and the girls for today's adventures.  Today we explored the natural side of Florida.  My sister introduced us to the St. John's River Cruise last year, and we knew we had to take the girls this year.  Keith's cousins joined us and we spent 2 lovely hours meandering down the St. John's River. We saw a myriad of birds, native Florida plants and lots of alligators.  Mama Alligator showed us her displeasure by hissing at us when we got a little too close.

Next was a trip to New Smyrna Beach, one of my favorite Florida beaches.  We soaked in the warm sun, played in the waves and had fun in the sand.  Destiny built her first sand castle with the help of Keith, who can never turn down the opportunity to build in the sand.  

We ended our day sun-kissed and happy.  Today I was present to the beauty of Florida and the company of some very special people.  It was a perfect day!

Vicarious Vacation SOL #21

I am joining The Two Writing Teachers for the March Slice of Life Challenge.

My husband asked me what I was going to write about tonight.  You see, I spent the day sitting on my sister's sun porch working on transcribing an interview for my ethnography class.  I know that procrastination is a problem of mine and apparently, I've taken it to a new level.  Transcribing a 20 minute video took me about 5 hours and I have about 6 more videos to transcribe.  So, I've got some more sun porch sitting to do.  While I worked, Keith took the girls out for the day.  My transcription got interrupted by regular texts from them showing me all the fun they were having.  They had a lot more fun than I did.

Lunch at Planet Hollywood

Yes, they are still having fun!

Destiny, who is afraid of heights, wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride.  

Building and racing cars at Lego Land.  

I'm pretty sure their day was a lot more fun than mine.

Let Me Introduce You...SOL #20

I am joining Two Writing Teachers for the March Slice of Life Challenge.  I fell off the wagon, but decided to forgive myself and get back on.

Today was one of those days that just make you smile.  It began bright and early when I opened the curtains to our Florida hotel room and coaxed  two sleeping girls out of bed to get their first glimpse of the Atlantic Ocean.  I've been looking forward to this moment since we planned our Spring Break trip.  I wish I had recorded their voices as they both let out  a sigh of "Oh, that's so pretty," as they peeked out the window.

I'm sure the Floridians thought we were crazy as we trekked out to the beach in the 70 degree weather.  The girls were eager to get their feet in the water.  I warned them that it was chilly and they might not want to go all the way in.  How silly of me. There was no keeping them out.  I relish watching them just being kids, all their troubles forgotten.  They squealed with delight as the waves crashed over them.  They got up over and over again, only to get knocked back down.

As the day winds down, I am listening to the girls laugh with my sister and brother-in-law.  I knew they would all hit it off right away.  It's been a good day for introductions to new people and new things...Life is good.

Saying Good-Bye SOL #16

I am participating in the Two Writing Teachers' March Slice of Life Challenge.  I am joining other bloggers and writing each day in March.

Last night was bittersweet.  Seated in a circle, some of us on the bare hardwood floors, other on the empty hearth, we ate our last meal together at our house.  With pizza on plates that we had propped on our laps, we shared our favorite memories of the house.

Keith:  Putting up the tire swing for the girls and watching them play

Autumn:  The first time she met Caroline when Annie brought her home

Destiny:  Camping out

Me:  Bringing Callie home

There are a million more memories I could write about.  The girls ended the evening by taking the dog outside, running through the yard and taking one more swing on the tire swing.  It was a good way to end the evening.